Monday, July 4, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
The snuff
BEST WHITE WATER RAFTING EVER IN HISTORY
Dear Sam I Am,
This is my last letter to aaaaaannnnnnnnnyyyyyone in the whole world since I am here on a two feet by two feet Parana whale that doesn’t go under water. It is extremely hot on this thing but it has a mango tree and a mini water fall, so, it’s all good. Sad part about it is there’s no mailing that why this letter is in this bottle. Anyways here’s my story.
So, here I am a normal transformer (I also have a part time job as a ghost), just minding my own business saving the world. You know just the usual and then my boss comes up and gives me a raise. So while I was thinking about what to do with it I think,” Hey my dad was a sailor so how about I got White Water Rafting”. So, Bill, a fellow transformer in my office, says it wasn’t fun, but bill is a negative Nancy so i went anyway.
So there I was on my one way flight to the narwhal capital of the world Massachusetts. This is a place I have only dreamed of and just as I thought that I saw a huge flying narwhal checking me out so I said out loud and abrupt, “WHY IS THIS NARWHAL FLYING AND CHECKING ME OUT”!! So the captain, which just so happened to be an expert, said, when they wink and write their number on their hand they are only being friendly”. When the captain said that I realize it wasn’t a narwhal. It was big foot so I said,” hey aren’t you my doctor”. Then he waved and flew away. So, I thought, “This is going to be on epic adventure”. So we landed and the first thing I saw was aliens from planet Google. So I say, “Wow I have never seen one of these aliens before only heard about them in stories”. They look exactly like us, but in star trek suites and have unibrows.
Once I had one of the world’s d smallest slushies’ and I was really stuffed by it. Then I look to my right and I see a googlian being mugged by a fellow ghost of mine. So me being the protectorate i am I went over and said, “ hey leave him alone booty face” so his response was, “ or what?” so I replied, “I’ll make you human”.so he just vanishes just like that and the googlian gives me his sacred paddle. “Wow this thing is really soft thanks googlian” I said to the alien. So I continued on with my epic adventure to White Water Rafting. While I took a cab to my rental car the guy driving hits some big red squid and the squid gets mad and I’m like, “chill out it was accidents we ain’t no squid haterz just step out my grill homes”. So the squid stares me down and hits me with one of his tentacle from behind knocking me out. All I remember was waking up at the hidden casino called the crab shack.
When I woke up I see the big head tyrant of it all Sammy, the lady land shark, walking down the steps singing the very annoying song by will smiths daughter “I wave my hair back one forth”. I wasn’t really afraid of her until she didn’t open up the Oreo and eat the inside before the outside and then doesn’t dip it in milk. So as I’m tied up in this chair thinking this is the end. The dolphin police barged in, without knocking very rude, and say,” freeze Sammy your time is now” her reply” awh snap! See these two rows of teeth yeah these are for eating meat and ah this lobster looks like meat so step off brotha”! So when she said that one of the crabs, who just so happened to be related to the lobster, gathered all his friends that ran the place and ganged up on Sammy. Who eventually died of being tickled to death? I think, but I don’t know because things got to weird the whole tickling thing lasted a year and it got awkward when they asked me to join. Then the Chief of Dolphin Police said,” Guess she won’t be home for dinner”?
So within a week of it all I escaped and now since I was a witness to the murder they’re looking for m, but they didn’t know it but I was 3rd in line for the White Water Rafting ride at 36 flags. When I saw someone eating a Kit-Kat. No not just any normal way they were eating it sides first, then the bottom, then the top, and finally the middle. So me not appreciating the way he was eating it I pushed him, not knowing that it was a googlian and they are very fragile. So you know I gave him a soft little push and check this out not only is it illegal to push a googlian it is also illegal to kill one. So here I am in major trouble I went, instead of turning myself in, for the old put the sunglasses on the person and call it a day.
Killing him also made me next in line to White Water Raft. Here I am on the most epic adventure ever I decide to eat pixie sticks, while I was getting on the ride, and some one hit my arm. Making me throw it on the guy running the machine and he launches me and the raft down the so called “white water”, it isn’t even white! I’m sitting here, one man on a boat, going very fast in level 6 rapids and no one decides to call any help. Yet somehow in all the luck in the world the Dolphin Police come and try knocking over my raft, they didn’t realize that my raft was protected by an angry leprechaun. The Dolphin Police decide to try and throw gold coins at the leprechaun, little did they know that leprechauns have upgraded from gold to platinum shocker right. Every time they threw a coin the leprechaun kept getting madder and madder. Until it finally turns into a huge abominable snow man and throws gigantic snow boulders at the dolphins.
To this day I have no clue where he got the snow from. Anyway back to the story whenever he took them all out they sent a penguin copter after us and the abominable snow man bails out on me. So im just sitting there like why would you bail out on me your ridiculously huge, little did I know there was a massive slip and slide right in front of me. So here I am no way to turn but the soft paddle I was given earlier so i pull it out and put it in the water and it breaks so I said, “what kind of paddle is this”. i just found out today it was a big wooden spoon.
Off I went into outer space with the slip and slide and from there my raft turned into a space ship. Where i found out that I could have just turned into a jet the whole time since I’m a transformer or I could of just turned into a ghost and never get caught. I honestly think it worked out better this way I am now living on planet Bing (Bing is gross) no there is no intelligent life here. Yet there are animals and such. I forgot to tell you had that I got to watch the dinosaurs go extinct on Bing. They only lived for like a week.it was cool anyway….. Wait hold up I have to go fight skeleton zombies once again on my 2 feet by 2 feet Parana Shark. Oh and my name is AAAARRRRGGGG!!!
Dexter A. Williamson#5
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Today
So today, I was walking to school right. and then i look to the left and
OMG!!! a car was on the road and drove by as usuall. i over reacted for nothing. And just at that moment the car turned into a UFO that looked like a spaceship. I was like god dammit not this shit again. So i flew up and knocked on there window like turn your fucking sterio down ya jerk. So they kidnapped my ass and we went to plant, not planet, 7612 and i was like these some fly ass niggas. And they all were in capes and shit one with a crown and i was like this some birthday party nigga. So then when i called them fly ass niggas they took off there capes and were like we're bee's ass face also this isnt a birthday party im like WHO THE FUCK IS YOU WITH YOU WINGED ASS WITH YOUR DAMN NEEDLE OUT YA ASS FUCK YA LAUGH NIGGA AND YA GAY ASS. he's like bitch listen you bess be shuttin the fuck up with ya anoyin human ass voice now if i tell you again ima kill ya with my so called gay ass needle. Im trying to be nice my lonely white male but awe finna kick ya ass. BITCH I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY AND KILL ME I'LL RAPE YOU WITH YO OWN DAMN NEEDLE RIGHT UP THE ASSHOLE. aint den nigga you asked for it. so this whole fight went down and me being lonely i didnt care about death. so we fought for a good 10 sec. and then he stabbed me. Now i know what you thinkin he just killed me he stabbed me with his stinger but these bee's are smart. They know if they stab me with they stinger they be dead so nigga done did stabbed me with a knife. So there was silence and then im like WTF NIGGA YOU JUST STABBED ME. he's like ya and this is a fight right? YA BUT YOU ALMOST KILLED ME WITH A KNIFE and he said bitch if you didnt want to die you should of smoked some tree's not our damn opium bitch. so then they dropped me off at quebec where i fought the abomabadable snow man and killed him learning what the bee's taught me and slept inside her dead body, yes the abomabadable snow man is a girl crazy shit right. While i was inside the bitch i found black ops 2 my nigga that shit aint ever real yet.
Well this is just another day of this Lonely White Male.
OMG!!! a car was on the road and drove by as usuall. i over reacted for nothing. And just at that moment the car turned into a UFO that looked like a spaceship. I was like god dammit not this shit again. So i flew up and knocked on there window like turn your fucking sterio down ya jerk. So they kidnapped my ass and we went to plant, not planet, 7612 and i was like these some fly ass niggas. And they all were in capes and shit one with a crown and i was like this some birthday party nigga. So then when i called them fly ass niggas they took off there capes and were like we're bee's ass face also this isnt a birthday party im like WHO THE FUCK IS YOU WITH YOU WINGED ASS WITH YOUR DAMN NEEDLE OUT YA ASS FUCK YA LAUGH NIGGA AND YA GAY ASS. he's like bitch listen you bess be shuttin the fuck up with ya anoyin human ass voice now if i tell you again ima kill ya with my so called gay ass needle. Im trying to be nice my lonely white male but awe finna kick ya ass. BITCH I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY AND KILL ME I'LL RAPE YOU WITH YO OWN DAMN NEEDLE RIGHT UP THE ASSHOLE. aint den nigga you asked for it. so this whole fight went down and me being lonely i didnt care about death. so we fought for a good 10 sec. and then he stabbed me. Now i know what you thinkin he just killed me he stabbed me with his stinger but these bee's are smart. They know if they stab me with they stinger they be dead so nigga done did stabbed me with a knife. So there was silence and then im like WTF NIGGA YOU JUST STABBED ME. he's like ya and this is a fight right? YA BUT YOU ALMOST KILLED ME WITH A KNIFE and he said bitch if you didnt want to die you should of smoked some tree's not our damn opium bitch. so then they dropped me off at quebec where i fought the abomabadable snow man and killed him learning what the bee's taught me and slept inside her dead body, yes the abomabadable snow man is a girl crazy shit right. While i was inside the bitch i found black ops 2 my nigga that shit aint ever real yet.
Well this is just another day of this Lonely White Male.
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